Frustrations of a single feh -2

“If you really want to make a friend, go to someone’s house and eat with him… the people who give you their food give you their heart.” – Cesar Chavez

“…no one is born a great cook, one learns by doing.” ― Julia Child

It’s amazing how every guy that crawls into my life always ask if they could come and eat at mine or if I know how to cook, like someone was born a great cook. I guess it is because I live alone and they have other agendas, not necessarily because they are hungry and broke or they want to get married to me so they need to confirm I can cook. However, I also unfortunately have to take back my words as guys really do come because they are hungry. I remember one came to my house, I told him I didn’t have food but showed him my bed, only for him to see my last saving Golden morn and opted for that. He eventually took the entire pack home without getting into the bed…

I totally agree with the first quote, as I hate cooking for me alone, i rather do cereals. I don’t believe in cooking for self, I mean the food can never be the exact quantity I can eat, so I will have to warm and eventually throw away. So when I have guests, and I mean my siblings as I can’t afford buying food except if they just paid salary..lol, I will cook or if I have that very caring boyfriend. Otherwise, I can like to give drinks and biscuits.

As a single geh, I only wake up with one concern, *getting to work on time*. I ain’t married so I can’t be bothered about breakfast for someone or lunch or any meal at all. I am concerned about not eating too much and getting overweight or going out for ice cream and shawarma. The only problem is the questions from guys and well honestly self…wondering if I can really get into gear when I do get married, will I be able to cope..mehn till then, I can’t be bothered.

Disclaimer: Don’t come to my house expecting food, and NO to my cereals.

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Frustrations of a single geh -1

Different strokes for different folks 

I have always had this gist with one of my girlfriends…and hey I am straight, it’s always interesting how with the advent of makeup, the definition of beauty has significantly changed.

Recently a guy told me, “You need to take care of yourself more”, I was too shocked. Did I have a body odour or mouth odour? I take my bath twice a day, my handbag is kitted with sanitizer, tissue, perfume, gum,  cream, water bottle, scarf, pant….hehehe okay that’s not true, but, at least, it has the basics every girl should have. I asked more probing questions about his statement with caution before I hurt myself with too much information. I later realized that he was referring to the fact that I don’t apply makeup, to be honest, I am not against it, I just believe it should be for occasions so you get that WOW!!! feeling and attention from everyone. It should enhance your beauty …key word “Enhance” not become a routine so much so that no one knows what you look like in real life, without it.

Definitely not to the office every day, where you meet same people and spend long hours with them, I mean who are you trying to impress. But mehn girls have no chills, 24/7 prefect look, some go all the way, with even a blush on their face all the time. There are some people I can’t even imagine what they look like, without it. Anyways that’s my opinion, but the question is how does this link to my frustration. It does, because all the brethren forming “I love it natural “ easily looks at the girl next door with her perfect face without seeing or if they do see you, expect you too, but the suggestion may be “..oo,ure so pretty with light makeup, maybe you should try it more often”.

Although I am not one easily pressurized into doing something I don’t like, but my girlfriend and I went to Palms recently, she meant to see a movie with her hubby, so to while away time waiting for the movie time, we entered a mac shop, then I realized how expensive these things are…OMG one powder is 10k, like really and then there all these brushes, the babe selling was like, buy the powder and the foundation, it will last longer, then you also need primer for that perfect finishing for your eyebrows, ooo this eyeliner is not perfect for cat eyes, you have to get this pencil that is thinner, and each of these items were far more than 5k…errrrrrrrrrr…like really?? and we haven’t even spoken about hair, then guys will say girls like money..smh, but they want a chic to take care of herself more.

Anyways, I will chill for that event that I will sit in a beauty parlour, get made-up and look wow for the day and save my money and time. What do you think?

Woe to all heartbreakers

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.  by Mark Twain

I have suffered loss several times, picked myself up and dated again, but the trend of getting heartbroken has become so normal, it’s like the very air I breathe. So this time I had to literally sit down and think, why am I here, what did I do wrong? I have tried every dos and donts that caused all the previous breakup, I had become an expert with combinations and permutations of likes and dislikes. WHY AM I HERE?

I couldn’t understand why we always had to go in circles, I had watched movies and read books of how the chic hated all guys, and “the one” practically came running immediately after that decision, but here I am. Still falling for guys after been beaten “figuratively” . I never developed the cold heart to hate or build “the wall”.

We are so many out there and truth is I don’t still know what to say to encourage you. Maybe we are just meant to experience all of it…which is sad. Anyways  I always console myself that marriages may just be worse that’s why the divorce rate is increasing so relationships definitely can’t be all good.

What is crazy is that there are always those guys who are loving you unending, but your heart doesn’t seem to give in. What I plan on doing next is simply be by myself, learn to say NO, be happy, don’t start a conversation or make a move EVER, no one is worth the stress. If peradventure I find myself in the “relationship circle” I will be prepared for a heart break…lol.

What are your thoughts? Have you been in a similar ordeal?

The New Craze

My generation is the most interesting, well you may need to read more to understand my argument and better position yourself with the happenings going on. According to Time magazine, I belong to the “ME ME ME” generation aka “the Millennials” (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennials) Rather than go through the wiki style of defining or characterizing who we are, I will go the day-to-day route.

I came across a definition of relationship in 2015 and it’s pretty fascinating how it clearly defines relationship (without commitment) in my generation, yet no one will admit that they are selfish. A classic example, a guy likes a chic, she qualifies but he wants more without raising her hope and feeling guilty if he doesn’t marry her, so he says “I am not ready for a relationship and its commitment“. The chic in reaction accepts this explanation simply because she wants to be available for another admirer and not keep all her eggs in one basket. Although this not always the case but they are merely some sort of variation from this analogy. As millennials, we are concerned about the NOW – What makes me happy? ( remember this is based on happenings or events ). It defines our personality and sexual orientation. The pursuit of happiness causes us to save majorly for technology or fashion not for future plans or goals. Although we are forced to save but we rarely do it voluntarily, to confirm this do a survey to find out the brand of phones used by people who are 15 – 35 yrs old (between 1980 – 2000), does the price of the phone equate to what they earn or get?

With the mindset of NOW , we always live on a fast lane, tattoos and piercings like we will never get old with wrinkles. We pursue passion, talents or informal skills without thinking of pension. We are merely tripped by whatever the media presents from our style to food to health to culture we simply flow with the media. We hardly stick to a principle or set of rules we define “the change movement” it’s from “curvy is the new sexy” to “gyming is the new boyfriend “, blog presented news or stories are way more influential than the actual news. For instance, an accident occurs on the road and we quickly take a pic and tweet or blog it so it can be read first instead of assisting or supporting the rescue team.

Have you seen other general characteristics of the Millennial generation (otherwise known as the Generation Y)?

Truth is we can redefine who we are. The first question is, who are you?

Yes or No – Series 2

Thanks to the two people that answered the questions in the previous post.

The questions were really meant to understand how people perceive themselves. I have come to realize that our generation, aptly tagged as Millennials and the soon coming Generation Z read more (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_generations) have an interesting mentality of how we should live – i.e. it should be based on HAPPINESS. I really can’t over emphasize that happiness is extremely overrated. You may need to do an in-depth study on the word happiness to come to the conclusion that you don’t necessarily need to be happy always. It’s an emotional feeling like sadness, jealousy, hatred, love, or fear which continually saunter in and out of our consciousness.

So to the story, I was chatting with a new friend and she started gisting about how she feels weird, doesn’t feel like she belongs in her family, believes she is not happy with her current state, hates sex and most importantly she feels attracted to other women. To be honest I really can’t condemn or judge her, or say which is better. So I asked her to answer similar questions I put forward in the previous post. I didn’t really need the answers, but I wanted her to see clearly that everyone feels that way at some point. As students in a boarding school, one may have experimented at some point. It’s the same principle with picking up smoking, drinking, having sex/paroles, having affairs with married folks, getting tattoos, etc. These things may have been tested at some point in our lives, but do they really define who we are or should be? Do we accept those tests/temptations as the way to go? Are we all about being happy or doing what is right? Do we really know what is right? Do we have standards? What are those standards based on?

Bottom line we shouldn’t be too carried away by the emotions attached to the now happenings called Happiness, let’s have our priorities straight and standards right.

What are your opinions?

NM

Yes or No – Series 1

I know this is a touchy subject or rather controversial, but I just have a few questions, please use the comment box and answer:

  1. Do you feel you are weird?
  2. Do you feel like you don’t really belong in your family, like they are so different?
  3. Do you feel love is overrated or not for you?
  4. Do you feel it’s necessary to tell someone everything that is wrong with you?
  5. Do you enjoy being on your own or staying by yourself?
  6. Do you think you can have fun by yourself, no friends, phone?
  7. Do you feel you should be able to do anything as far as it makes you happy?
  8. Do you feel you have the right to say anything as far as it’s on your social media page?
  9. Do you believe you owe no one any explanation of how you live your life?
  10. Do you feel some rules are just not for you, too old or traditional, too rigid or religious?
  11. Do you believe there should be standards you should live by?
  12. Do you think the government should determine the standards?
  13. Do you think a supreme being should determine the standards?
  14. Do you think you should determine the standards?
  15. Do you love yourself?

Truth is, do you know yourself?

I have a story to tell, but if I don’t get people’s answer I might not tell the story. I know you like gist so answer o (wink wink)

With love. NM.

FYO – Depressing 30!

There’s just this thing about being 30 years old, whether you’re rich or poor, hot or not; you still tend to be depressed when you’re about 30. I found out when most people are approaching this age, they tend to be unhappy, perhaps because people stop asking you how you’re doing simply because they assume you’re old enough to take care of yourself or because you already take care of yourself so much it’s safe to assume you’re fine. This period of depression varies from person to person as does the reason for this sombre mood.

One common theme for this is the cultural perspective that cuts across race and religion, that by then you have to have achieved all your first set of goals or at least be working towards it. And the verdict is glaring, in other words; you won’t have to explain, its right there for all to see. A lot of things are attached to this age of responsibility, you can’t afford to be carefree, you’re not allowed not to have an opinion nor allowed to sound foolish, you can’t decide to make money and spend it all… Na wah o…

Generally people think at that age, you should be gainfully employed, married, socially responsible, to have given up bad habits and everything that our society measures success by.  This is a burden the society has placed on young people. But truth be told, you have spent a whole 3 decades on earth it’s enough to get make something of one’s life. And that exactly is the mentality that causes depression. These yardsticks for measurement are however difficult to attain or better still they are not easily combined; you have some, you don’t the others.

Everyone plans, some people may disagree but that’s the truth of the matter, a lot of us do so unconsciously.  Every young person or rather most young people aspire to be something, Even the ones that want to be WAGS (wives and girlfriends of high-profile sportsperson) – that’s still an aspiration. However it does always work out because our parents have planted the idea in our minds that the easiest way out is by being educated but unfortunately, the way isn’t just hard, it’s not necessarily a way out. Their conclusion is logical, really it is. The idea is that while you’re at school, you’d meet nice and educated friends like you (amongst them could be the Mr. Right or Ms Right), upon graduating- you’d get a good job, when you have a good job – you’d earn good money, with you’d mingle with the right people (again, an opportunity to meet Mr or Ms Right) and yaay….. you’re HAPPY. Alas! There is a variable called life that we never really put into consideration. This variable changes everything!

Beyond the variable which we have no control of, some of the things we have, deny us of the other, for example you have a good job and money but no time to spend it, you have all the time in the world but no money and no partner, you have a partner and a good job but you never have time for your family, you have money and time for your family but you never have time for yourself to do all the silly thing you want because you’re too busy taking care of other people…however we look at it you’re miserable, hopeless and losing control. Worse even because you’re attributing it to the fact that you’re leaving the twenties – you’re aging!

The truth of the matter is we’ll all grow old, there’s no point being scared, worried or depressed. The energy should be channelled towards achieving those things that would fill the empty space.

Aitch.

FYO – SWIMMING POOLS (DRANK)

I don’t mean this is the literal sense of the words. But if you listen to hip-hop songs, you would have heard Kendrick Lamar’s song titled above from his album, Good Kid M.A.A.D City. And if you had heard the song, you would know why I chose the title. If you still don’t know, read on and you will find out why soon enough.

It was Thursday evening and I was in B.D.P.A at Keno’s house and we were bored, there had been no event or party, it had been pretty much school, class and sleep. But luckily for us, our neighbors invited us for a soiree being hosted by a friend of theirs, Francis. YES!!!! We thought at last. Chics, booze and weed in one location, all through the night. So we were, or rather I was, elated, I mean what’s booze without weed. So we set out around 7pm for the location which was to be a house party. Up till today, I still don’t know where the house is located; my memories of the night are still fuzzy at best.  But we got there and suffice it to say, it was a gay bash, not gay as in homo stuff but it was all guys drinking and smoking and not a single girl was in sight. Even the girlfriend of Francis absent; but where there is weed, we don’t send nobody so we started drinking.

Drinking Tip: Never mix more than two different brands of alcohol in one night. That shit will f**k you up faster and meaner than a Nigerian soldier beating you.

But I had not learned my lesson then so I drank, among other drinks, red wine, Johnny Walker Red Label, Baileys, Amarula, Beer, Vodka, even Alomo Bitters. It didn’t help that I was tipping some weed into almost every drink I took. Around 9pm, I lost my perception of time. I don’t remember ever leaving that place but next thing I know, I and my friends were at Bezito Slices (Uniben peeps will know what I’m talking of) with no idea what we were doing there. Next thing I know we were on the road (I found out the next morning that our exit from Slices was through the fence as we fell it down while climbing it), I remember falling down in a pool of water in the middle of the street (I swear one of them pushed me), I lost my slippers, and that was when I started swearing and cursing and just disturbing the peace very late in the night. I was so drunk and totally out of it although I still recall the night. It feels like I recall someone else’s experience and not mine. I wasn’t shouting but my voice was loud and my friends told me that I did utter some very funny iterations of their names. Getting close to the compound, I blacked out, only to wake up in the bathroom rocking my boxers alone and wet from being soaked in the shower. I didn’t throw up, but I felt sick and had serious headache.

The next morning, I got up and took what was left of my clothes (I lost my slippers, sweater and t-shirt that night and I didn’t bother looking for them because I was ashamed to see how dirty they had become). I washed up and disappeared for the next one week as that was how long it took me to recover physically from the experience.

Apparently, I got into a fight with one or my friend that night even though I don’t really recall.

So my advice is, drink all you want but never mix drinks and make sure you drink in your house and nowhere else.

Nosa.

FYO – Guidelines

  1. Please stick to one topic per story, if you have more topics to address, kindly treat as multiple stories.
  2. A story should have at least 3 paragraphs, please apply caution to the length of these paragraphs (the longer the post the more boring it becomes).
  3. For the sake of continuity and interest kindly infuse some humor in your stories.
  4. We know we abbreviate, kindly use only the common ones so we can easily understand your context.
  5. Your story should have a title, but we will include the prefix “FYO -” to indicate it was a post by someone not me.
  6. Preferably lets have your nickname at the end of the post, so we can relate on some personal terms
  7. Please send the stories to 81stories@gmail.com, we will review and post it. thanks.

Remember the next 5 stories that get posted will get N1,500 recharge card for their preferred network.

With love NM.

Gone Till November…

I don’t know how to say this. I am not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. O well…. this is, unfortunately, my last (and shortest) post about House 81.

Although I feel I have more stories to tell, which I intend to do from time to time. I am hoping more for the opportunity to read about your experiences. I know people like to keep their business to themselves, after all once upon a time peeps will kill you if you read through their diary (btw… do they still make those??). Let’s see if I am wrong. Perhaps I’d add a bit of incentive and would offer a N1,500 recharge card to the next 5 stories I receive that get posted (I can almost hear the awoof bells ringing)…. I’m waiting.

So back to the reason for my hiatus. The sisters are out of the house!!! Apparently the landlady is a snitch. After sharing smoke with them, she made sure they didn’t stay an extra year (life’s a b**** right?). Word of advice, not all whom you break bread with is called Sister. Interestingly, I discovered that the occupants were not the real tenants, they were merely tenants of the tenants (Lagos sha!!). Anyway peace and calm have returned to the realm – no more loud banging music, the air has been weed-free for days and even the gang sef don chill. I guess I will now live in a quiet and peaceful house, with no more drama. Well that’s until a new tenant moves in, then we shall know.

Finally, thanks to the 240 visitors that have read my stories from inception, the 8 people that follow the blog, the 7 people that constantly post comments, the 3 people that have shared their stories, and the 1 person that constantly – when less busy – edits my ranting before I post (#WinkWink).

Send me your stories / gists I am all ears and ready to share. Remember N1,500 recharge card for the next 5 stories that get posted.

With love, NM